


Nothing Left Unsaid

by hendercasius



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Depression, Family Issues, Friendship, M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 00:25:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17539190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hendercasius/pseuds/hendercasius
Summary: Jaehyun and Yukhei have been together for most of their lives. They started off not liking each other due to the bitter family history they owned, but end up as best of the best friends out there.They thought they knew each other like the back of their hands.Until a change of variable happened.And Jaehyun is forced to admit that he does not know anything about Yukhei at all.





	Nothing Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> This is my first fic that I have been spending days to finish.  
> There are a lot of angst moments, so please be informed if you are not an angsty fan.  
> You might have a lot of questions after reading the 1st chapter but don't worry everything will be explained in the following chapters. I will update this work at medium pace.  
> Hope you enjoy this!

Maybe rain drops when it feels like it. 

Yukhei sprawls his umbrella open as he steps outside the 127 café. A backpack hanging on his shoulder with a seamless down long coat draped to his upper. He looks up to the sky with a disappointed look one last time before finally getting his footwear soaked on the road of Gwanghwamun. His part-time shift was just over and he has no schedule for college at the end of the day. Yukhei starts planning in his head about which Netflix series he would binge with Jaehyun once he arrives at home.

As a Law student, he fancies _Suits_ but Jaehyun doesn’t. Jaehyun found the series too difficult and he would either complain or ask a lot throughout the whole episode. However, it is surprising that Jaehyun does not understand the similar level of alienation that Yukhei encountered when his roommate tried to shove _Grey’s Anatomy_ series under his eyes.

“So why the _heck_ does the guy make a big deal about getting a subpoena if he said he isn’t lying at all?” Jaehyun asked one time when the episode of _Suits_ was screened.

The other time, the question would be launched from Yukhei’s mouth when one of _Grey’s Anatomy_ episodes was showing. Something sounds like: “What the hell is _Disseminated intravascular coagulation_?”

They tried a win-win solution, but _Black Mirror_ is way too creepy for their liking.

“I’m home.” Yukhei took off his venture boots and put the umbrella on the corner. He does not even get to decide what to watch when he saw Jaehyun hovered the couch, already absorbed in apparently a Netflix movie.

 “Hm.” Jaehyun shortly responded, without even bother throwing a look at the newcomer.

  _To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before_.

 Yukhei utterly rolls his eyes. He cannot believe Jaehyun’s preference sometimes.

“I know you are judging.” Jaehyun chimed in like a psych despite having his full attention in the movie.

Yukhei shrugs his shoulder, unbothered. He goes to the kitchen and starts to busily pick up some leftover veggies and wheat bread in the fridge. If Yukhei has to remember all details of his life, he might think that it has been forever since the last time he gobbles any meat down his stomach. Living with Jaehyun quite changes almost all aspects in his life, and food is not excluded. Aside from the fact that veggies are easily produced from their own self-made vertical gardening in the balcony, veggies are also the only food that could tolerate Jaehyun’s picky preference due to the his concern towards healthy food after becoming a medical student.

“We ran out of veggies.” Yukhei mutters as he finished the sandwich prep with all the leftover he had. He plops himself on the other side of the couch, taking over the territory marked with Jaehyun’s legs. The elder hissed at the sudden intervention, but give up the space anyway and crossing his legs on the couch instead.

“I’ll go to groceries after this.” Jaehyun responded with full attention is still sticking to the television.

“This movie is too predictable. That guy will end up with that girl, and that’s the end.”

 “Wrong. That guy is just the girl’s first love which happened to be her sister’s ex boyfriend. The girl will end up with the latin boy instead.”

 Yukhei suddenly choked on his own sandwich. “This is not your first time watching?”

 “Already fifth.”

 Yukhei chose to stay quiet. He has no words left to express the antics in his housemate behaviour. Either way, no words would ever deserve to describe this whole level of _absurdness_.

 “I need a recovery and distraction from watching _Haunting of the Hill House_ , okay?”

Yukhei only nods in silence, mouth is still busy munching the sandwich. Jaehyun asked him to watch the mentioned horror series a few days back together, but Yukhei is a coward and he knew better how to not pee on himself so he said no. Turned out, Jaehyun has always been that curious boy who doesn’t give a damn even if he had to risk himself. Peer pressure got the best of him since his fellow students keep discussing about how great the story development of the _Hill House_ series. Jaehyun ended up dipping into the horror series by himself.

 “Have you paid the electricity bill?” Jaehyun asked in murmur, audible enough for Yukhei to hear.

 “Done. Apartment bill?”

“Done.” Jaehyun paused. “Anyway, I will not be around much on the weekend. My tutoring schedule will be flooding.”

“Alright. I will be in Busan too this weekend for the tour guide job.”

Jaehyun nodded.

They have always been keeping their financial situation in check, because it is important to keep their money at their places. Since both Jaehyun and Yukhei are still college students, they could only take as many part-time and freelance jobs as possible to help them fulfilling their daily needs, paying their bills, and having a little fun at the small bars around the town. Even though the monthly allowance from the scholarship they earned is actually more than enough to cover those bills, they agreed to deposit the eighty percent of it in the bank for paying the down payment of their future house once Jaehyun is starting his residency program—which would make him credible to enroll for installments in the bank.

“And…” Jaehyun hesitated, and for the first time over the course of their evening, his attention is diverting from the monitor.

Yukhei raised one brow.

“You know your scholarship will end this year, don’t you?”

Yukhei sighed, hands start raking his own hair. “I am aware.”

“Not that I want to poke the bear, but you got to finish your thesis _asap_. Law school is not cheap.”

“I am aware of that too.”

“Better be lawyer fast and get that break even point, huh?”

Yukhei laughed. “Can you even picture me being a lawyer?”

To which, Jaehyun slips a small laugh along.

Both Jaehyun and Yukhei know that Yukhei has zero interest towards law or being a lawyer at all. However, that is the only way he could survive, since their university offered a prestigious amount of scholarship only for the top 10 Lawyer school and Medical school awardees.

Medical school had been Jaehyun’s long awaited goal, thus taking the scholarship opportunity would feed his future dreams. However, for Yukhei, he did not even have a slight interest at all to enter both schools. He could actually choose other universities and chase another scholarship opportunity that provide the major he really prefers, but the image of being separated from Jaehyun stopped him from thinking about another universities. All of sudden, Law school became his only option, because going into medical school without any desire at all would mean a death sentence.

Truth be told, even if he had to pursue the major that he prefers, he would end up not choosing at all because the image of his future goals and dreams are kind of blur. If being able to escape from United States and delete his family in the picture of his life is considered as a goal, then he’d say that he has been pretty success right now.

“Anyway.” Jaehyun does not divert his gaze despite the serious tone he rarely used.

“Your Father called me.”

_Maybe he has not succeeded that much._

Yukhei let out a small chuckle. “Did you mean _your_ father?”

Jaehyun lazily gives the younger a look.

“What did he say?”

“An annual warning to return to _our family_ in the United States if we want to stop living from the stupid part-time jobs and inherit an insignificant percentage of his wealth.”

Yukhei coughs at the remark.

It was especially strange for him to listen how they should return to their family from Jaehyun. For both Yukhei and Jaehyun, the only family they had is each other. Their parents and the other people that shared blood with them is just their bad luck. _Bad fate_.

“What’d you say about it?” Yukhei asked, throwing the ball to the other end.

Jaehyun sighed, his expression seems bored at the conversation they are currently playing with. While his mind and eyes are still absorbed to the random romance series played before his eyes.

“I’d say ignore him.”

Yukhei smirked. “Sure. I will do as you said.”

“Boy, you’d do _that_ regardless what I said anyway.”

 

* * *

 

Jaehyun is known to be made out of books. While Yukhei is probably made out of the sound of the pages flipped throughout the book. Jaehyun likes Winter the most. Yukhei likes all seasons but he is sort of fond of Autumn. Jaehyun said that dreaming of being a doctor keeps him alive. Yukhei said that having no dream and constantly wondering about it keeps him alive. Jaehyun knows that Yukhei would do anything in his life for the sake of avoiding Hongkong. Yukhei knows that Jaehyun would give up everything in his life for the sake of becoming the best surgeon in the world.

He knows it. He could never possibly go wrong about it.

One night, Yukhei sprawls his body on Jaehyun’s bed, eyes are etched on phone screen, amazed with the mobile version of _Stardew Valley_ for several days now. Jaehyun has been telling him off to lower the volume whenever he is on that game, but typical Yukhei won’t really obey. In addition, he had one of his feet hanging so that he could poke Jaehyun’s thigh with his toe when the latter is busy studying for his internship exam. He knows it very well how to get into Jaehyun’s nerve.

“What do you want?” Jaehyun had his eyes fixed on the papers, completely abandoning Yukhei because he knows better that feeding Yukhei with some attention would mean letting the latter to disturb him more.

 “I have been wondering.”

 Jaehyun raised his brows, which Yukhei cannot see because he is still busy plucking the virtual cabbages on his phone.

 “Are you ever going to return to the US now since you have finished the internship?”

 “I still have to finish my surgical residency.”

 “I know you have been offered a scholarship by Johns Hopkins.”

 Jaehyun found himself pausing his activity for several seconds.

 Yukhei is aware, but pretend with his flying colours acting skills to look like he does not care. On the contrary, his _Stardew_ character only walks around and wanders the village without any destination.

 “I thought I will not be accepted. Applying for fun, you know.”

 “Turned out they are head over heels?”

 Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “I mean it’s _fucking_ Johns Hopkins.”

 “You should go there. Don’t ever let _anything_ hampers you from chasing that dream.”

 Jaehyun sighed. His mood for studying went upside down as he closed the book and faces Yukhei instead. The latter is still on his mobile phone, does not bother to spare a glance.

 “We are not having this conversation.”

 Yukhei is wrong. Maybe Jaehyun would not really give up _everything_ in this world to become the best surgeon because he indeed could not give up _this one_.

 The younger of the two is still doing his best to focus on anything but Jaehyun, yet the edge of his eyes betray him so bad that he ended up getting caught squinting over Jaehyun’s profile for some miliseconds. Yukhei sits himself as he knows he cannot escape this time.

 “Alright, but tell me you don’t have second thought about going?”

 Silence fills the space between them as Jaehyun made efforts to convince himself.

 “I _did_ have second thought.”

 Yukhei nods. “You should listen to that second thought too. Sometimes they know better what your heart really wants.”

 “This conversation is over. I called it.” Jaehyun picks up his books and flees from his own bedroom.

Both of them know what really stops Jaehyun from thinking about taking the program in the United States. It is not because the scholarship he received in South Korea has not been extended. It is also not because of his abundant love to his home country or because of the fact that he has to return to their fake parents in the United States.

It is _merely_ because of Yukhei, and Jaehyun did not need to mention it for Yukhei to figure it out. The thought of him hampering Jaehyun to achieve his goal has haunted the younger since he accidentally found Jaehyun’s Letter of Acceptance from Johns Hopkins in the kitchen. Perhaps Jaehyun was in a hurry that he left such important document next to the sink, or perhaps he would have thought that Yukhei would not find it out because he was not going home over the weekend anyway.

A lot of ‘ _perhaps_ ’ clouding his mind, and he could not go through another _perhaps_ only for wondering. He got to start doing something. Even if it means that he has to leave the apartment at 1 in the morning to make a sudden appearance in the hospital where Jaehyun is studying, exactly two days after the conversation that was singlehandedly ended by Jaehyun.

“Why are you here?”

Jaehyun is startled as soon as he steps into the hospital hall. His voice is not that loud, but audible enough for the other person in the room to hear, especially hospital is not really crowded at this hour. Yukhei pulled himself from the fence he leaned on and slowly approaches Jaehyun.

He studied Jaehyun’s figure for a moment, and he could tell that the other is very exhausted, judging from the messy hair, white coat only hanging on one side of his body revealing the navy sweater and a flash of the white shirt he borrowed from Yukhei this morning, in addition to the backpack that is not fully zipped. Yukhei took the white coat that hanging onto Jaehyun’s shoulder and fourfold them before hangs it onto his own arms and hugs it.

 “I am picking up my brother.”

 Jaehyun tiptoed a little and brushed the sweat under Yukhei’s bangs. He could tell from his irregular breathing that Yukhei is not riding a cab to the hospital.

 “So.. you do have a brother working here now?”

 “Apparently his name is Jung Jaehyun, and he is a very stubborn human being.”

 “Huh?” Jaehyun is taken aback and folds his arms in front of his chest. “Sounds like somebody has something to say to _his_ _brother_?”

Yukhei heaved a deep sigh and he is going to lie if he does not worry about the million things that would happen _if_ his plan succeeds. _Jaehyun will be leaving him, he would be alone, he will not see Jaehyun’s face the first time in the morning or the last time before he ends a day_. Too many stacks piled up in his mind and he tried to eliminate them one by one to unravel what truly matters: Jaehyun’s happiness. Despite everything. He is forced to agree that he doesn’t get to be selfish after all the egotistical wall he built among both of them for years. He got to break it down.

Yukhei is very sure now.

 When Yukhei finally reveals a paper inside his coat, Jaehyun laughed in sarcasm. He remembers that tomorrow is the deadline, and perhaps that is one of the few reasons why Yukhei walked all the way from their apartment in the middle of the night to fetch him. _For a second thought_.

 “Seriously now?”

 “I would have slept on my bed at this very second if I am _not_ serious.”

 Jaehyun sighed. His hands are holding on to each side of his backpack, his eyes are glued to the paper that Yukhei shoved between them. His gesture is clear that he is _not_ interested in taking the paper _or_  making another decision.

 “We had this conversation already.”

 “You cut it off. You don’t give me a chance to say anything.”

 “Okay.” Jaehyun looks up to meet Yukhei’s eyes. Yukhei may be younger, but his eye level is some centimetres above Jaehyun. Sometimes when Jaehyun has something to say and has to argue the younger, he feels intimidated instead because he is lost to the eye contact battle at the first place. “I will go,  _only_ if you come along with me.”

 “That’s unfair.” Yukhei folds his hands. “I took Law school in South Korea, I cannot practice law in the United States?”

 “You took International Law, for God’s sake. And, do you even have any desire to practice law at all? Being a lawyer?” Jaehyun raises one of his brows.

 Suddenly, Yukhei finds himself looking at anywhere else but Jaehyun. To which, the older of the two grins in victory.

 “Exactly what I thought. You might own the degree that Mike Ross would never have, but you will never have even half of his passion to do what he does.”

 Never in a million years, Yukhei would ever thought that Jaehyun would pull Suits reference and use it to attack him instead. He usually does it vice versa. He has figured that it would never be easy to negotiate with a man that is Jung Jaehyun.

 Jung Jaehyun, not him, should go to the Law School instead.

 “I don’t want to go back to the States.”

 “For _fuck_ ’s sake, Yukhei. Then don’t force me to return _too_.”

 Looking back to the years of knowing one another, Yukhei is most of times lost to the negotiation battle against Jaehyun. Sometimes because Yukhei does not bother to win at all, and the other times because Jaehyun is right. That is probably why Jaehyun always argues that Yukhei’s decision of entering law school is just the worst. Yukhei is nothing but a selfless human being and being a lawyer would only drive himself crazy especially if the younger happens to stand on the wrong side.

 However, Yukhei comes to where he stands right now at this very hour not to give up once again to Jung Jaehyun. He is the most determined than he had ever been, and he just wants to settle things down with his brother because he thought he knew what’s better for Jaehyun right now. For the first time in his life, he would apply the Negotiation course that he had been taught at school.

 “Please, _hyung_.”

 And if there is one thing about Yukhei that Jaehyun knows by heart, is the fact that he is fucking serious right now because the younger never calls him _hyung_ if it is not a necessary agenda.

 “Don’t let me get in your way. Don’t let me feel guilty for the rest of my life because you are not taking this. _Please_. Go there, and be the best neurosurgeon that this world could ever have.”

Jaehyun does not know why Yukhei’s eyes suddenly become glassy. He quickly takes the younger by his shoulder and hugs him tight.

“Oh, come on..”

Instead of comforting the younger, he actually is comforting himself. Jaehyun cannot bear the image of Yukhei crying, especially with the fact that he could not grant what he wished this time. He knows Yukhei is trying to stand on his argument, but Jaehyun is not going to tremble either. Not this time. Not at this sort of argument.

 “I have my final words, Yukhei. I am **not** going.”

 Yukhei heaved a deep breathe at Jaehyun’s stern voice. He is familiar with that tone, because that tone _only_ means one thing: Jaehyun is not going to change his mind.

 “What if I’ve never been here? Would you change your mind?”

 “I don’t know.” Jaehyun carresses Yukhei’s back. It is going to be a big fat lie if he said he never thought of going to Johns Hopkins. Especially when he is handed with one free slot offer to study there. He doesn’t need all his friends to convince him how insane his decision is, because Jaehyun himself realizes how _insane_ that decision is.

It is going to be another big fat lie too if he said Yukhei was not his reason. He considered his life with Yukhei, his _almost_ stable and perfect life with Yukhei in South Korea, as a big variable that would never change or move his decision. And he does not see it as a bad thing at all. It is anything _but_ bad. 

“An absence of variable could have always made a whole thing different, right?” he quoted their favorite algebra professor back then at their boarding school. “So I don’t know.”

  _An absence of variable_. It echoes in Yukhei’s mind all night and the days afterwards.

 

* * *

 

 

Maybe rain drops when it brings bad news. 

Jaehyun has been spending almost 20 hours in the hospital now. The back to back surgery he assisted due to the unusual mass of patients they have has pushed all the doctors to break their limit. As he enters his forth month of residency, there are two true things that his seniors told him: one, is that residency is exhausting and will discourage you to become a surgeon at some points. Two, is that rainy season would mean the busiest months in the hospital.

Instead of getting a reward to sleep in the on-call room after participating in 10-hour long standing surgery, Jaehyun was assigned to cover the ER because the ambulance sirens never stop ringing and almost make a melodious harmony in Jaehyun’s ears now. Patients keep coming in every twenty minutes, his senior doctors are demanding him to keep checking not only three but five patients at one time, and at this very moment his fatigue almost got the best of him. Jaehyun keeps pinching his sides to keep himself awake. He is leaning on the ER’s receptionist desk while updating the charts of his patients.

“It’s crazy.”

Jaehyun raised both his eyebrows to affirm on _that_ when he heard his colleague told him a fact. His name is Johnny Seo, an American-Korean third year surgical resident, which makes him Jaehyun’s senior. However both of them got close because they have a common ground of being able to speak English. 

“At this point, I should be the one sleeping on the patient bed instead.” 

Jaehyun only laughs. He doesn't even have the energy left in his body to respond Johnny.

“Coming in!!”—

Another group of paramedics are bragging the ER door once again for the nth time today.

“dr. Jung, please assist!” dr. Choi called him, and it does not take a minute for Jaehyun to put back his chart and run to the gurney as he has been trained to do. He exchanged a goodbye glance to Johnny for a few seconds, and Johnny only gave him a thumb up for a symbol of _good luck_. He pinches his own hand once again to shoo his drowsiness until finally he gets a hang on the side of the gurney and checks the patient. Suddenly, he feels his heart jumps to the pit as he looks closely at the patient. His legs are weakened and he does not even have the power to move a finger anymore.

“Let’s get him to Trauma one!” dr. Choi ordered, not realizing the state where Jaehyun in.

“Male, mid-20s. Status post blunt traume to the face and neck. Possible zygomatic fracture, a broken nose. He might have a brain injury.” the paramedic blasted all the information he got from the initial assessment he did in the ambulance while they are heading to the Trauma one.

“Are there any family member to call?”

“We found no ID at all. He might’ve been robbed and beaten up by some people. Assessing his bruises, we assumed that he had been in the ditch for several hours before we found him. He is a John Doe at this moment.”

“Alright dr. Jung, we’ll need a—where the hell is Jung Jaehyun?”

dr. Choi looks around and finds Jaehyun is still standing at his first place, frozen. The senior doctor did not realize that Jaehyun has not been assisting him all this time and he doesn’t respond even when dr. Choi finally calls out to him with the angry expression all over his face and a loud volume that turns him into the center of attention.

“If you choose to stand there and let my patient die instead of ordering a CT now for this John Doe, I swear you’d—“

“—he is not John Doe.” Jaehyun muttered, cutting off dr. Choi’s words in an unreadable expression. His voice is softer, his fatigue has long gone, his drowsiness doesn’t need a pinch, and his eyes are on the verge of tears.

“He is my brother.”

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment.  
> The best gift to a writer is a feedback :)


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